Life throws us so many curve balls when it comes to love.
In fact, I’ll say that it throws curve balls, fiery darts, flaming arrows, glass bottles, cinder blocks, wrecking balls… Well, you get the point.
And often times we’re not always ready to get back into the dating game. Sometimes we take weeks, months, years… And this can sometimes results in catching hell from potential partners for not being emotionally available. But don’t apologize for that. Live and love how you see fit. Be considerate but not sorry.
Here’s a few reasons why it’s okay to not want to date right now.
1. You need time to heal.
Sometimes people get into new relationships without processing what went wrong, what went right, or how to improve. But all of that is necessary. You don’t want to keep making the same mistakes. You have to heal before you get into a new relationship. Think of it as growing a crop of flowers. You can’t continue to grow something in the same soil, over and over, You have to give it a break at some point. Although the seeds may be perfectly fine, the soil hasn’t replenished itself. You can thing of the seed as a suitor and soil as your soul. Every time you plant something in your soil, nutrients are taken from it. If you try to grow something new in the soil, it won’t reach its full potential. The same goes with relationships. Let the soil get it’s nutrients back. Don’t drain yourself. You have to heal too.
2. You need time to find yourself, again.
We give a lot to people in relationships. Time, effort, money, emotions.. And each time we deeply involve ourselves with someone we change. And, no, I’m not saying that your ground shifts and you have no sense of identity when a relationship ends, but when you have had someone who has become an integral part of your life, its hard to go back to your single lifestyle. You have to learn a how to be alone again. Relationships add value. So when the person is gone, we often feel like we have lost something. And that is quite natural and healthy. If you can walk away from every relationship the exact same way you entered into it, then maybe you should re-evaluate yourself and the type of people you get in relationships with. You should have learned something from your prior relationships.
3. You get to figure out what you want.
When we jump in and out of relationships we don’t get to define what we want our next one to be like. When we take these breaks, we get to see what we want not only in relationships but we get to redefine our life goals. You get to decide if you should go back to school, start that new hobby, buy that new place. You get time to think about what YOU want separate from someone else and we all need that. We have to define life and love for ourselves before adding someone else to our equation. Time allows us to see things clearer.
4. It’s responsible.
Broken people often create other broken people. Two broken people don’t make a whole either. They start things that they can’t finish, lead people on, and generally take us on a trip to Nowheresville, USA. If you know you’re not ready, take pride in that. That’s a big part of the battle. You are doing others a favor by waiting to heal. They might not appreciate it now, but in the end it’s the best thing to do.
Don’t use other people because you “need someone to cuddle with at night”, a free meal, or a temporary feel. People aren’t disposable. Be just as considerate of someone else’s feelings and time as you would want someone to be with yours. Be aware of other people’s feelings too.
5. You have the right to be selfish.
You don’t have to feel guilty for needing “me time”. You can be selfish. I’m not saying to leave the dating scene for years because you’re afraid to get hurt. But learn why you were hurt. Dating someone requires making yourself vulnerable. It’s okay to not what to do that right now. Take this time to reflect. What role did you play in your last relationship?
Besides, who’s going to look after your heart, emotional well being, and sanity besides you? I hope you will find someone who will do these things but you know your heart and what you need.
6. You are enough.
Some people are satisfied being by themselves. They don’t need anyone tagging along on their journey. Not that they’ll never want it. But sometimes you just want to be you.Enjoy yourself. Find yourself. Be yourself. Work on your career. Companionship is great.. but some there’s a time for it. Your time just might not be right now.